The Unsung Heros

So, I fell sick recently, and had to go to a doctor. It was the usual drill. Get an appointment, go at the designated time, yet end up waiting an hour or so, then the doctor gives you a look and diagnoses you and you are out. For all the build up there is, this kind of comes like an anticlimax. You aren't satisfied. You feel there should be more one to one time with the doctor. 

I call up my doctor saying the medicine isn't working, because well, it has been 4 hours since I took it and I haven't healed. Many times I also call up my doctor because I have forgotten the doses or the medicine. My doctor answers all my queries very patiently, whatever time of the day be it. But that's the part of their job description isn't it?

What if I told you there is a flip side to this. What if I told you, that doctors are actually humans too. They fall sick like everyone else. They love shopping and watching movies. They love to go for holidays. And yes, they also get tired. But doctors never complain of not having a 9 to 5 job description, that is because they know what a commitment of saving life really means.

I come from a family of doctors and everyday I see, the sacrifices all the doctors in my family make, to retain their commitment to their profession. My mother is in a private practice, and she was working when she went into labor when I was about to come into the world. And a week later, she was back to work. She did not get a maternity leave, because she had committed to cure other babies of sickness. And I couldn't be more proud of her.

My dad missed so many annual functions and PTA meetings because of emergency operations which cropped up. And I couldn't respect him more. 

He would stay up half the night operating on some head injury case, and would still wake up at 6:30 a.m. to drop me to school.

My mom would make me go to sleep and finish my project work, then would again be woken at night to resuscitate a newborn baby and yet she would wake up before me and pack my lunch.

Even today, the only calls allowed on the dining table are those from patients. Sometimes I get irritated and ask them to shut their cell phones. And they say, it is our duty to save these people, and while not all of them are dire, to everyone their family is precious and people tend to panic when they are at risk, we are their only hope and support. 

How do you argue with that? 

What I am saying here I guess is, that doctors sacrifice a lot, to do what they do. They work more than any normal human being can and yet they are patient and courteous and supportive towards all their patients. I have seen so many cases where people abuse doctors for long waiting times or unavailabilities. In fact, one person used abusive language with my mom for having to go for one of our school events. He said, "If you wanted a personal life, why did you become a doctor?"

There are so may people who fight for fees or preference while in queue, and so many who use foul language with doctors. So many who try to commercialize the noble profession and so many who try to buy health with money.

To all those people, Doctors are humans too. They are also someone's mother and father, someone's son and daughter, someone's sister and brother, someone's husband or wife. If they charge you something for their services, it is not for greed of money, but for their own sustenance, it is just like you having a job for sustenance. If they have a huge queue, I guarantee you that they are more tired than you and yet patient, because they know that someone has to be more selfless. If sometimes they are unavailable, it is because they are trying to have a semblance of normal life with their beloved family and friends. Because for each hour they spend like a normal human, they give 20 being a superhuman. And they don't even expect anything in return, they don't even expect a thank you, they don't even expect you to understand what they are doing for you. They just want to do the best they can, in the time they have.

 They want you to live happily and healthily, and never fall sick again.

Don't let go of your Angels

All of us are running, everyday, from morning to night. Running after something, or in some cases, after someone :P. While the second might not be a healthy practice, the first definitely is, since it gives an essence to our life, a purpose, a path.

While on this path, we tend to meet people, good people, bad people and amazing people also, horrible people. To move forward smoothly, we need to take care of all these people, adjust them into various roles which they play to make our life complete. Everyone has their own very specific role in our life, big or small, positive or negative. Then there are those people, who are the constant presence, the people who make up the support system I talked about in the last post. These people are the ones who take care of us, while we take care of all the others in our life. What we sometimes forget is that these rocks of our life, need to be taken care of too. They need and deserve our attention. And most often it is these people, who are ignored by us, forgotten because they are taken for granted.

Sure sometimes we don't like certain qualities they possess, they might be boring, or always wallowing, or irritable or judgemental or any other quality which you might consider a kill-joy. But they stand by you always, however irritating you might be to them. These people shield you from all things bad, they help make your life worth living. They kick bad influences out of your life and knock sense into you when you start going wild. They keep you feet on the ground so that you can keep your head in the clouds. They are your own personal angels, If there is a God (and I strongly believe there is) he sent these people as our own royal guard. And in just the same way, you are theirs, because in life, there are no one-way streets.

The biggest mistake we can do is, not give these people there due, because after a limit of ignorance by us, they might just decide to leave us to our fate, and if such a person is lost once, they are rarely gained back.

I never realised I was doing this very same mistake, till I got a taste of my own medicine. There is this person, who was with me during my most difficult times, and I started taking her for granted, when I finally realised what I had been doing, I knew no amount of words would be enough for an apology, still that is all I can do, and hope that it's not too late to make amends. Because when you do find out who your angels are, you should never let them go. 

Who Show Me My Rainbows

Navratri started two days ago, it is an Indian festival where we get idols of goddess durga and perform pooja and be all religious. It is a festival which leads up to Dussehra, a symbol of good winning over evil.

Anyway, this is not what I really want to talk about, and as it is, I am not an expert on festivals either. So, I saw the procession when the idol was being brought to where it was going to be kept for the next nine days. It was in a big truck kind of thing, I don't know what it's called. From the distance I could see, a beautiful idol, richly dressed and smiling all around. Standing tall amidst the procession even with all the lights flashing. I was awed by the majesty, the beauty, the power. I stood there entranced, unable to take my eyes off of her. All the while, the truck kept coming closer and closer. When it was right in front of me, I noticed two people, one on the side and one at the back, holding the idol steady, the jerky movement of the truck was making the idol oscillate violently and these two people were standing there precariously maintaining there own balance and supporting the idol.

What I am trying to say here is something which is much more relevant to our own lives.
You can't stand tall alone.
When you wish to do something big, or for that matter when you wish to do anything small also, you need support, you need people you can lean on, people you can trust, people who stick around with you. You need people who are willing to bend over backwards to help you, to support you. You would think, "yeah! who is going to do that for me? As if there are people in this world you can trust".
My response would be, well, look around. Do you see your family? In the fringes of your life somewhere, your family is always present. Your mom, your dad, your significant other, your siblings. You may have a thousand fights with them, you may not get along a lot, one or the other or all of them hurt you or ditched you sometime,but when one ditched you, the other had your back. They may not always be present, they may not always treat you right, but hey, they are your go-to people. They will stand by you when all else fails. Not all of them, not all the time. But at least some of them, some of the time. All of this can be applied to friends too, if you are lucky enough to find good ones.

You know why it is difficult to find good friends? Because the people can't accept one another as they are, they wish to look for something perfect, I think that's the reason marriages so often fail. Accepting people as they are, is the key to lasting bonds, where you don't judge, you just love, not the imperfections, but the tiny little perfections in a person.

So, coming back, you need to recognise the group of people who are supporting you in your jerky truck, and you need to value them. Value them and support them right back. Because I don't think you would want your support system to become sloppy.

People will say, I don't need anybody, I can do things all on my own. They couldn't be more wrong. I spent a lot of time trying to do just that. Couldn't have been more horrible a failure. And then it struck me, while I proclaimed that I was doing everything on my own, it couldn't have been any bigger a lie. Because I had my family right beside me, and I didn't even consider them people! They were my support, and I didn't recognise it, I won't be able to take a single step without my support. Because it is easy to say I can manage on my own when things are going good or even okay, it's when the waters are troubled that you can't manage on your own, when you need you support.

To reach the top of the pyramid, you need someone to be the base, you need your equipment, you need your stabilizers. Alone, you are just a drop of water, with others, you can fill up a bottle (come on, no one has a support system as big as an ocean :P )

You need help, you always will, you just need to find out who the people are who are those pillars who hold your roof, who are the shoulders carrying you to a pedestal, who are the prisms giving you the rainbows.

The view from my bus window

There are few things in life which are so difficult to understand. They are complex and they are present everywhere, which makes it easy to just look past them, to avoid the mind-boggling.

During my internship, I took the city bus to work everyday, and that was all I needed to see one very very weird phenomenon. The phenomenon of progress. That city is supposed to be one of the most progressive in India. If progress means everyone owning a cell phone and using it to listen to their favorite songs during commute, then yes, there was progress. But if progress means everyone sharing an ideology, a changing ideology, that everyone has access the same set of resources which have been made available to the people, then I can't say there was progress.

The 'supermarket culture', as I like to call it, where everything can be found at supermarkets and people do not look beyond that, is limited to some people. The people with a higher strata of income, the people who live in housing societies and bungalows. There is another section of people, a significantly larger one, for whom this remains something beyond their reach. The resources available to the public are of two kinds, the ones influenced by the increasing western culture, monopolized by the jeans wearing population and the other being traditionally Indian, belonging to the older ways.

I don't know which kind is better, and it is not for me to decide either. But what's observable is the social disparity led by an economic disparity in India. To one side of the road is the big superbazaar, to the other, a sabzi-mandi and some privately owned shops. This is not where the problem lies, the problem lies in the fact, that the people using one do not use the other, they cannot or would not use the other side of the road. We take our 'supermarket culture' from the west, but we don't take their equality of people. In the west, even the hired help of a supermarket buys from the supermarket.

Progress does not only mean new investments and big brands. Progress means that new whatever is available, is available to everybody. If we don't take the entire nation forward together, there is no point to progress. it is like taking your head somewhere leaving your body behind. And you know what happens when you do that, your body falls apart and dies.

What I am trying to say here is that what all is reality for some people, still remains a dream for others. What is basic necessity for some people, still remains a luxury for others.

And when analysed, everything boils down to one thing, population. So many people, so many mouths to feed. Surplus human resource, but no manager. Services provided by one, are given cheaper, by another.

I don't know what the solution to this large scale problem is, but I think more people should pay attention to it, because it is known to everybody, we just choose to ignore it, thinking, this is not my problem alone but if it is your country's problem, aren't you, in some small way bound to help solve it?

All this, I could see, just sitting in the city bus during my internship, the professionals see this everyday. Well, it's time everyone had a really good look around and try to make a change, towards a less unequal country, towards a more progressive nation. 

Dear Girls

Dear Girls,

I have some very cliched advice to give you. Be yourself. Everyone today is telling everyone else to be themselves. You would think, what's the big deal? So, I be a little fake, who isn't now-a-days. I would say, truly said, but it's that fakeness precisely which is holding you back. Holding you back from happiness. Because when you are fake, people can see it, they can tell you are not being yourself, and trust me, that causes a lot of misery.

I know this girl, she is the kindest, sweetest, most intelligent girl I have ever met. She is very beautiful too. But she is a tomboy, or tries to hide behind it. She would love to dress up and look good and be appreciated, but she doesn't. And sometimes you can sense that that's what she wants but is scared. I think she is scared of not being taken seriously as a person if she does that. I don't really know the reason, but I can see that she is holding herself back. If she just is herself without fear and guilt and whatever else she feels, she will probably blast everyone and every stereotype out of her way and be the happiest and most content person around.

Because when you are not being yourself, you are scared, not confident, shy, and then you try to hide behind someone you are not, and that is bad for you, really bad.

There is this other girl I know, she really is herself all the time (well, most of the time). She is her own kind of person, with elements of tomboyishness and girlishness. She can speak for hours on sports and she has a great fashion sense. She is not scared of who she is, or of not being liked. She is the most popular girl in her college (goes without saying, doesn't it?).

See, the importance of being your own kind of person cannot be emphasized enough. You need to be exactly who you are, without restrictions on yourself. The world needs originals, copies can be manufactured in factories. And it's the originals who change the world. And the world needs changing. The world will always need changing and you can't do it unless you embrace your own self first. Be unapologetic for who you are, or what you like. 

But there is one thing you need to remember, being your own self should not be destructive for others. You can say that I identify with being a burglar, so I am a burglar and I don't apologize for it (now, that would be something worth watching :P), Your values, your beliefs, your self should be such that it enhances you without damaging others. Your freedom ends at the point where another person's freedom begins.

And you should not just embrace yourself, but also others for who they are, because there is some magic, some good, inside everyone. What you see in a person is a direct result of your equation with the person. Even the Indian Gods,when angered, tend to be evil and irrational. Everyone has their own brand of good in them, you should try to see it, and let them be, just like you should let yourself be. Don't judge yourself, love yourself.

Although this is true for everybody but it is more important for girls because I see that girls have more self-image and self-confidence issues than guys. Don't have issues with your own self, it's perfect. 

Be you, unapologetically.

Love,

plain_jane

My worst enemy

For really long I have blamed so many people for so many things that I have done or felt. Back at school, there was a time, till fifth grade, when I was so confident, so smart, I would get things done, I was not afraid of making enemies, I understood little and said a lot. I was opinionated, I was me.

Somewhere between sixth grade to eighth grade, I got a lot of new ideas into my head. I stopped believing in myself, started doubting my ideas. The worst thing was, I started believing something horrible. That fat people were not people. They didn't deserve to live like a normal person. That a fat girl couldn't be girly and neither could she be tomboyish. Subliminally, I held on to that belief for almost 10 years. Till now.

I grew up thinking at I was a different species, someone to be made fun of, someone who could never shine. I believed I was a non-being. I would be scared to spend time in front of the mirror, because who was I fooling? I could never look good. I yearned to get accepted by people, when I never really accepted myself. All through school, I labeled myself unworthy and lamented that people were mean to me, when I was being the meanest to myself. I tried to excel in whatever I did, and was better than 80% of my class in everything I did, yet nobody accepted me, specially the girl inside me. She would always be like, you won't fit-in ever, you were not meant to fit-in, the perpetual failure, the lesser one of the two sisters, you are not even a girl, no one knows who you are, you probably don't deserve to live or be happy.

I don't know when or how I got this into my head, I kept blaming the world for so long, when the devil really was inside me. I was my worst enemy. Subconsciously, I kept believing that I could never be good enough, that if I wasn't thin like the girls on T.V. and in movies, my existence didn't matter, I would always be a social reject. Worst part is, I didn't even realise that I felt this way till very recently. That I could have avoided all the torture and agony, that it was all in my head.

 But now that I know it, I can change it. I have learnt that most of my demons hide right inside me, that I am my worst enemy and I can change it and be my best friend. Because acceptance is the first step towards change. I wanted to share this today because like me, many people are their own worst enemies, they put themselves down in the worst way possible and don't even realise it. But when you do realise it, you hold the power. When you stop blaming others for the way you are and realise that it has been you all along, you take the power to mold your life, back into your hands. You learn to forgive yourself, you learn to appreciate yourself. You encourage yourself and you motivate yourself because now the voice inside of you is not critical of you, it is supportive of you, because you made it to be that. And in the process, you become your best friend. Your life is all about you, your mind, your body and how you decide to live with it, as it's worst enemy or best friend.

So, think well and choose wisely, because it is you and only you, which can cause you a life full of joy and love or a lifetime of misery.